Communication Is Part of Discipleship

One of the things I have learned through years of serving people and families affected by disability is that communication is about so much more than passing along information. It is about relationship. It is about trust. And ultimately, I believe it is about discipleship.

Churches often say they want to welcome families affected by disability. We may have a special needs classroom, trained volunteers, sensory supports, and a plan for Sunday morning. We may genuinely care about making families feel welcome. But there can still be a wide gap between what a church believes it is communicating and what a family actually experiences. Sometimes that gap happens in the smallest moments. It happens at check-in. It happens when a parent comes to pick up their child. It happens when a volunteer doesn't know what to say. It happens when we talk about a person instead of talking to them. It happens when a parent only hears about something that went wrong. And sometimes, without ever intending to, our communication sends a message that says: "You don't really belong here." I believe we can do better.

Communication Begins With Listening

When a child is young, parents are our greatest resource. Parents know things about their child that we may not know yet. They know what sounds are overwhelming. They know what helps their child calm down. They know their child's triggers, allergies, medical needs, communication style, motivators, and routines. They know what works at home. That information is valuable. So one of the first things I want to do in disability ministry is listen. I don't want to assume I know what a child needs simply because I have experience working with children with disabilities. Every person is different.

I want to ask questions. I want to listen to the answers. And I want to document what families tell us so that information doesn't disappear when one volunteer goes home and another volunteer arrives next week. Good communication begins with saying:

"Tell me about your child."

And then actually listening.

Pick-Up Is More Important Than We Think

I also believe we need to pay close attention to what happens at pick-up. For many parents, that moment carries a lot of emotion. They may be wondering:

Did my child have a good experience?

Did they participate?

Did they feel included?

Did something happen that I need to know about?

If the only thing a parent hears is what went wrong, we can unintentionally create anxiety around church. Instead, I want our volunteers to look for the moments of success. Tell the parent what went well. Tell them where their child participated. Tell them what brought joy. Tell them something their child did. Instead of simply saying, "He had a good day," give them something meaningful:

"We talked about Jesus being our friend today."

"She smiled during worship and really enjoyed playing the instruments."

"He helped us pass out the supplies."

Those details matter. They tell parents, My child wasn't just supervised. My child was known. More importantly, they communicate that their child was part of the church's spiritual life.

As Children Grow, So Should Our Communication

As a child moves into the elementary years, I believe something important should begin to change. We shouldn't stop communicating with the parent. But we should begin communicating with the child, too. I want to see volunteers speak to the child first. Ask them about their week. Ask them what they enjoyed. Give them choices. Ask what they learned. Let them carry their own things when they are able. Let them answer questions. Let them tell their own story. Sometimes we are so focused on helping that we accidentally take away opportunities for independence. We answer for the child. We speak over them. We explain what they are thinking or feeling before giving them an opportunity to communicate for themselves.

I have to remind myself:

Just because someone communicates differently doesn't mean they don't have something to say.

For a child who is nonspeaking, communication may look different. We might use visual schedules, emotion cards, communication boards, AAC, communication lanyards, take-home pages, or other supports. The goal isn't to make communication look like everyone else's. The goal is to give the person a way to communicate. Sometimes that means I need to slow down. I may need to give more processing time. I may need to offer choices. I may need to provide a prompt. But I don't want to take over. I want to create a bridge that helps the person communicate for themselves.

Teenagers Need Ownership

As children become teenagers, our communication needs to change again. Teenagers deserve dignity, privacy, and ownership. Of course, there are times when parents need to know what happened. Safety concerns, medical information, significant behavioral incidents, or ministry concerns may require parent communication. But even when I need to communicate with a parent, I don't want to talk about the teenager as if they aren't standing right there. I want to talk with them.

I can ask:

"Would you like to tell your mom what happened?"

Or:

"Would you like me to help you explain it?"

That small question can make a tremendous difference.

It communicates:

"Your voice matters."

It also begins teaching self-advocacy. We are not simply preparing teenagers to participate in church today. We are preparing them for a lifetime of participation in the body of Christ.

Adults Deserve Direct Communication

As someone moves into adulthood, I believe our goal should become even clearer: Talk to the person. Not automatically to the caregiver. Not over the person's head. Not as though the person can't understand. Talk to them. If they use AAC, communicate through their AAC.If they need another communication support, use it. If they need additional processing time, give it. If they need someone to help facilitate communication, provide that support. But the person should remain at the center of the conversation. Caregivers are incredible partners. They often know the person better than anyone else. But being a partner doesn't necessarily mean being the spokesperson for every conversation. There is an important distinction between supporting someone's communication and replacing their communication.

Independence Doesn't Mean Doing Everything Alone

I think we sometimes misunderstand independence. We hear the word and think, They need to do it themselves. But that's not what I mean. Independence doesn't mean doing everything without help. It means having as much ownership as possible with the appropriate support. A person may need someone beside them to communicate. They may need visual supports. They may need reminders. They may need a caregiver or volunteer to help facilitate a conversation. That doesn't mean they don't have ownership. In fact, providing the right support can create more independence—not less.

The Goal Is Bigger Than Better Communication

Ultimately, I don't want disability ministry to simply become better at communicating with parents. I want us to build a culture where people with disabilities increasingly become participants in their own communication, discipleship, relationships, and ministry. That means the goal changes as the person grows. When they are young, I may communicate primarily with their parents. As they grow, I communicate with both the parent and the child. As they become teenagers, I intentionally give them more voice and ownership. As they become adults, I communicate directly with them, using whatever supports they need. The support may change. The communication may change. The people involved may change. But the person's value never changes. And that is what I want our churches to communicate.

You are known.

You are valued.

You have a voice.

You belong here.

You have something to contribute.

You have a place in the body of Christ.

I don't want disability ministry to be about creating a place where people with disabilities can simply be cared for. I want to create a church where they can know, grow, and serve. Because the long-term goal isn't for us to always speak for someone. The goal is to keep expanding the circle around them until they discover their own voice, their own relationships, their own gifts, and their own place in the body of Christ. That is communication. That is inclusion.And I believe that is discipleship.