Everyone Is Welcome—But Can Everyone Participate?
I have heard churches say it countless times: “Everyone is welcome here.” And I believe many churches genuinely mean it. But over time, I have learned that welcome and access are not always the same thing. A family affected by disability may walk through the doors of a church and be greeted with smiles, handshakes, and kind words. They may hear, “We’re so glad you’re here!” But then the questions begin.
Can my child participate in children’s church? Will someone understand what happens when my child becomes overwhelmed? Can my teenager be included in youth group? Will my adult son or daughter have a place to serve? What happens if my family member has a meltdown, needs a break, or communicates differently? For many families, these questions determine whether they can truly belong. And when millions of Americans live with disabilities and so many families affected by disability are not regularly participating in church, I believe we have to be willing to ask why.
Friendly Isn't the Same as Inclusive
One of the biggest disconnects I see is that church leaders may measure inclusion by how friendly the church feels. Families often measure inclusion by whether their loved one can actually participate. Those are two very different measurements. A church can be incredibly friendly and still have barriers that prevent someone with a disability from engaging in worship, learning about Jesus, building relationships, or serving. That is why I don't believe disability ministry or special needs ministry should be viewed as a side project, a siloed ministry.
It is hospitality with structure. True hospitality doesn't simply say, “Come in.” It asks, “What will help you stay, participate, grow, and belong?” When we begin to view accessibility as a spiritual priority, we start thinking differently about classrooms, youth groups, adult ministries, worship services, special events, and even how we train volunteers. Our goal isn't simply to get people through the door. Our goal is for people to know Christ, grow in faith, build relationships, and serve with the gifts God has given them.
Sometimes We Need a Buddy
One practical way a church can move from good intentions to meaningful support is through a buddy program. A church buddy is someone who comes alongside a person with a disability to help them navigate the church environment. That might happen in children's ministry, youth group, adult Bible study, worship service, or a special event. I like to think of a buddy as a GPS rather than a paper map. A paper map assumes you can follow the directions without any instruction. A GPS understands that things change. There's construction. You missed a turn. The road is closed. You need to reroute. That's what a good buddy does. The goal isn't to drag someone through a schedule or control everything they do. The goal is to help them navigate changes, reduce anxiety during transitions, and find another route when something unexpected happens.
And I want to emphasize something important:
Not everyone with a disability needs a one-on-one buddy.
Some individuals do beautifully with volunteers who are simply attentive, informed, and prepared to respond when needed. The level of support should be based on the individual, not automatically assigned because someone has a disability.
Support the Person, Not the Diagnosis
A strong buddy program starts with a simple principle:
We support the person, not the diagnosis.
Two people with the same diagnosis may have completely different needs. One person might need someone sitting nearby who can step in when necessary. Another might need consistent one-on-one support throughout the service. A buddy might help someone follow a visual schedule, explain what is coming next, support them through a transition, help them regulate their emotions, or guide them to a quieter space when sensory overload begins.
Sometimes the tools are incredibly simple:
A fidget item
Noise-canceling headphones
A sensory bag
A visual schedule
A quiet space
A planned movement break
A first-then board
A familiar volunteer
But the most important tool isn't something we purchase. It's relationship.
Ask the Individual or the Family
Before I ever try to determine what accommodations someone needs, I want to know the person.
What makes them happy?
What helps them feel safe?
What calms them?
What causes stress?
What are their triggers?
What do they enjoy?
What are they afraid of?
How do they communicate?
What does a successful Sunday look like for them?
A simple “getting to know you” form can be incredibly helpful, but it should be followed by a real conversation with the individual and their family. Families are the experts on their loved ones. And when we take the time to listen, our support becomes personal rather than presumptive. We aren't simply responding to a diagnosis. We're responding to a person.
Boundaries Matter
A buddy program also needs clear safety guidelines. Wanting to be inclusive should never mean ignoring appropriate boundaries. Buddies should not isolate themselves with an individual in an unsupervised space. If someone needs to use a sensory room or another quiet area, appropriate volunteer and security procedures should remain in place. Transitions should also follow the church's established safety practices. Medication is another area where churches need clear policies. Buddies should not independently administer routine medications. Families should handle routine medication needs, while the church should have appropriately trained and designated personnel for emergency support when applicable. Good ministry requires both compassion and wisdom. We can create welcoming environments while still maintaining healthy boundaries that protect everyone.
Don't Forget the Special Events
One mistake I think churches can make is assuming that support is only needed on Sunday morning. In reality, some of the greatest challenges happen when the routine changes. Think about Vacation Bible School. A men's or women's gathering. A Christmas service. A youth retreat. A church picnic. A special worship service. A community outreach event. For someone who depends on routine and predictability, a different building, different schedule, different volunteers, different sounds, and different expectations can create a much greater need for support. That's why I believe buddy systems should be considered across every ministry environment and every age group. And that includes adults.
Sometimes support for an adult doesn't look like a traditional “buddy” at all. It may look more like a peer who sits beside them, helps them navigate the environment, introduces them to others, or simply provides friendship. The goal remains the same:
Belonging.
From Exceptional to Normal
My hope is that churches will eventually reach a place where disability inclusion isn't considered something unusual.
It won't be: “Oh, we have a special needs family coming this Sunday. What should we do?” Instead, inclusive thinking will already be woven into the culture of the church. Volunteers will understand that people communicate differently. Classrooms will have options for sensory needs. Leaders will expect that some people may need movement, quiet, repetition, visual supports, or additional time. Events will be planned with different needs in mind. And people with disabilities won't simply be recipients of ministry. They will be participants in ministry. Because I believe every person has been created with purpose. Every person has gifts. Every person has something to contribute to the body of Christ. That's why accessibility matters so much to me. This isn't simply about making church more comfortable. It's about making the Gospel accessible. When we remove unnecessary barriers, we make room for people to hear the Gospel, encounter Jesus, develop relationships, grow in their faith, and discover the gifts God has placed inside them.
And maybe the question isn't simply:
“Is everyone welcome?”
Maybe the better question is:
“Can everyone participate?”
