Understanding PDA: Serving with Grace and Flexibility
One of the greatest gifts the Church can offer is a place where every person is welcomed, understood, and given the opportunity to grow in their relationship with Jesus. As we seek to serve individuals with disabilities and neurodivergent needs, it's important that we continue learning about the unique ways people experience the world.
This month, we'd like to highlight Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), more commonly referred to today as Persistent Drive for Autonomy.
What is PDA?
PDA is a profile that is often associated with autism. Individuals with PDA experience an intense need to maintain a sense of control over their lives. Even ordinary, everyday requests—such as "Come sit down," "Let's go to class," or "It's time to clean up"—can create overwhelming anxiety. What may look like defiance is often a response to a sense of loss of autonomy.
Understanding this difference can completely change the way we respond.
What PDA Might Look Like in Church
Someone with PDA may:
Resist simple directions or transitions.
Need additional time before participating.
Become anxious when routines unexpectedly change.
Appear to ignore instructions or negotiate every request.
Thrive one week but struggle the next.
These behaviors are rarely about being disrespectful. More often, they are attempts to manage anxiety and regain a sense of control.
Five Ways Your Ministry Can Help
1. Offer Choices Instead of Commands
Rather than saying,
"Come sit with your class."
Try:
"Would you like to sit in this chair or that one?"
Giving two acceptable options helps preserve autonomy while still moving toward the desired outcome.
2. Invite Instead of Direct
Small wording changes can make a big difference.
Instead of:
"You need to..."
Try:
"Would you be willing to...?"
"Let's try this together."
"When you're ready..."
An invitation often feels less threatening than a demand.
3. Prepare for Transitions
Unexpected changes can increase anxiety.
Use:
Visual schedules
Countdown warnings ("Five more minutes.")
Simple explanations about what comes next
Predictability creates safety.
4. Stay Calm During Resistance
If someone refuses or becomes upset, avoid power struggles.
Instead:
Lower your voice.
Give space when appropriate.
Validate feelings without giving up healthy boundaries.
Remember that connection is often more effective than correction.
Your calm presence helps regulate theirs.
5. Build Relationships Before Expectations
People with PDA often respond best to those they know and trust.
Spend time:
Learning their interests.
Laughing together.
Celebrating successes.
Building genuine relationships.
The stronger the relationship, the easier it becomes to navigate difficult moments.
Remember the Heart
Every behavior communicates something. When we look beyond the behavior and ask, "What might this person be experiencing?" we become more compassionate, more patient, and more Christ-like.
Jesus consistently met people where they were. He listened, showed compassion, and invited people into relationship before expecting transformation. As His Church, we have the privilege of doing the same.
